The Illusion of Control: How Parents Struggle to Influence Their Children’s Outcomes

By: Ali Ryan

In the whirlwind of parenthood, it’s natural for parents to want the best for their children. From meticulously planned schedules to carefully chosen educational paths, we often exert immense effort in shaping our children’s futures.

However, despite our best intentions and relentless efforts, the reality is that our ability to control their outcomes is far more limited than we’d like to believe.

The Struggle for Control

Parents often find themselves caught in a relentless cycle of trying to control every aspect of their children’s lives, from their academic achievements to their social interactions.

We meticulously craft schedules, enroll them in extracurricular activities, and micromanage their every move, all in the hope of steering them toward success.

Yet, despite our tireless efforts, we’re often met with resistance, defiance, or simply unexpected outcomes that challenge our sense of control.

The Reality Check

Despite our best efforts, it’s essential to recognize that children are autonomous beings with their own unique personalities, interests, and paths in life.

While we can provide guidance, support, and encouragement, we cannot dictate their every decision or shape their destinies according to our desires.

Attempting to control their outcomes only leads to frustration, stress, and ultimately, disappointment when things don’t go as planned.

The Toll on Parents

The relentless pursuit of control takes a toll on parents’ mental and emotional well-being. The constant pressure to ensure our children’s success, coupled with the fear of failure, creates a breeding ground for stress, anxiety, and burnout.

We find ourselves trapped in a cycle of comparison, self-doubt, and guilt, wondering if we’re doing enough or if our efforts are in vain.

Embracing Surrender

It’s time to let go of the illusion of control and embrace surrender. Instead of striving to dictate our children’s paths, let’s focus on cultivating a supportive and nurturing environment where they can thrive and discover their own unique journey.

By relinquishing control and trusting in their innate abilities, we empower them to develop resilience, independence, and self-confidence.

Surrender certainly doesn’t mean accepting defeat. It means allowing these feelings come up. It means giving yourself permission to feel deeply uncomfortable. It means trusting yourself that you have, in fact, done a great job as a parent. It means, releasing the grip on yourself and your children.


As parents, it’s natural to want the best for our children, but our relentless pursuit of control only leads to stress and frustration.

By embracing surrender and trusting in yourself and your children’s abilities, we create space for them to flourish on their own terms. We also get to create space for ourselves to grow and bloom in our journey, too.

Let’s release the burden of control and embrace the beauty of allowing our children to chart their own course in life.

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Navigating Boundaries: Creating Healthy Relationships

By: Carisa Peters

Hey everyone, it’s Life Coach Carisa! Today, let’s dive into the powerful concept of boundaries.

What comes to mind when you think of boundaries? Does it tend to feel controlling and negative? I know it used to be that way for me. Like I have to protect myself from others.

Boundaries really should be looked at much more deeply than this. They are more than mere lines on a map; they’re essential for maintaining healthy relationships and self-respect. From personal space to emotional well-being, boundaries play a crucial role in our lives.

Picture boundaries as invisible lines we draw around ourselves, defining our space just like property boundaries. They’re not about controlling others but about taking responsibility for ourselves and building stronger connections.

Setting boundaries is crucial for emotional and mental well-being. Just as you have clear boundaries around your physical home, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries around your emotions and relationships.

Imagine your emotional space as your backyard. When someone crosses a boundary, it’s like they’ve stepped into your yard without permission.

But here’s the key: you only need to communicate your boundaries when they’re crossed. It’s about responding calmly and clearly, emphasizing self-care and respect for the relationship. Enforcing boundaries isn’t about control; it’s about protecting yourself and your needs. By upholding your boundaries, you create healthier dynamics in relationships.

To create boundaries in a healthy manner, each of us must take the responsibility to get clear on what it is we want and why? Not just I don’t want you to do this to me. It is much deeper. It is knowing yourself so well that you can come from a loving, emotionally secure place and communicate that in a healthy way.

A personal story I will share to illustrate this is close to my heart. During the last six years of my father’s life, our relationship had deteriorated from the less than ideal place it was and now had become virtually nonexistent. He would send me birthday texts, which left me feeling a mix of emotions—anger, sadness, and a sense of obligation to respond. I found myself overthinking these messages for days, grappling with their impact on me. Through introspection and self-love, I realized that I had the power to control my own feelings and reactions, regardless of my father’s actions. Taking ownership of my emotions, I responded to his messages with honesty and resilience, staying true to my authentic self.

It is a loving…’if you do this….I will do this’. It really felt good.

Remember, setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s an act of love, both for yourself and others. Start today and watch your relationships grow!

If you found this blog helpful, consider sharing it with other moms who might need to hear this message. And if you’d like to watch my video to go deeper on this topic you can find it here.

“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” – Tony Gaskins

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