mindfulness

Creating Success Without Burnout!

By: Janet Nambi

Breaking Free: Releasing Past Pain and Setting Boundaries at Work

In the journey of personal growth and self-discovery, there are moments when we must confront the ghosts of our past. Sometimes, these unresolved pains can linger within us, influencing our actions and decisions. One area where this can have a profound impact is our workplace.  

Failing to set boundaries at work may be rooted in deep-seated pain from the past, but by acknowledging and addressing these issues, we can begin to reclaim our personal power and foster a healthier work environment. 

Understanding the Connection: 

Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy work-life balance and ensuring our well-being. However, when we find ourselves unable to establish boundaries, it may be an indication of unresolved pain from past experiences. This pain could stem from various sources such as childhood traumas, past relationships, or even previous work environments where our boundaries were violated or disregarded. 

The Consequences of Ignoring Past Pain: 

When we carry unresolved pain from the past, it can manifest in different ways at work. We may find ourselves constantly seeking approval, overworking to prove our worth, or being unable to say no to additional responsibilities, ultimately leading to burnout. These behaviors can create an unhealthy dynamic, not only affecting our own mental and emotional well-being but also impacting our relationships with colleagues and superiors. 

The Healing Process: 

Recognizing the pain we are holding onto is the first step towards healing and establishing healthy boundaries. This self-awareness allows us to identify the root causes of our struggles and begin the process of letting go. Seeking professional help through therapy or counseling can provide invaluable guidance in navigating this journey. 

Building Boundaries: 

Establishing boundaries requires both internal and external work. Internally, we must examine our fears, insecurities, and limiting beliefs that prevent us from setting and enforcing boundaries. This may involve challenging long-held beliefs about our self-worth and learning to prioritize our own needs. Externally, it’s crucial to communicate clearly and assertively with our colleagues and superiors about our boundaries, whether it’s delegating tasks, setting realistic deadlines, or simply saying no when necessary. 

Embracing Self-Care: 

Practicing self-care is an essential component of boundary-setting. By prioritizing our well-being, we cultivate the strength and resilience needed to enforce boundaries. This can include regular exercise, mindfulness practices, taking breaks when needed, and nurturing hobbies and relationships outside of work. Remember, setting boundaries is not selfish; it is an act of self-love and preservation. 

Transforming the Work Environment: 

By taking responsibility for our own healing and setting boundaries, we can inspire positive change within our work environment. As we model healthy boundaries, others may feel empowered to do the same. This transformation may not happen overnight, but it can lead to a more supportive and respectful workplace culture, benefiting not just ourselves but also our colleagues and the organization as a whole. 

Releasing past pain and establishing boundaries at work is a courageous and transformative journey. It requires introspection, self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth. By acknowledging the pain we carry, seeking healing, and embracing self-care, we can gradually break free from the chains of the past and create a healthier, more fulfilling work experience. Remember, you deserve to work in an environment where your boundaries are respected, your contributions are valued, and your well-being is prioritized.   

Your Coach, 

Janet 

p.s If you would like to have conversations about your life’s challenges in a more intimate space please join us in my Facebook group here.  

Check out my boundaries masterclass here

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Confirmation Bias And How It Hurts Our Relationships

By Karen Edwards, CPQC

We’re all human, so we all deal with confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is a phrase devised by English psychologist Peter Wason. Ultimately, it is the tendency of our brain to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existingbeliefs. It’s a survival tendency of our brain to try to prepare us for possible dangers. If our brain believes that “dogs bite”, it will find every evidence of it. If a dog runs up to you on the street, your brain will make that mean it wants to bite you. If the dog licks you, your brain will see that as evidence that the dog is getting ready to bite you. So, of course, you are guarded and fearful and the dog feels the fearful energy and tries harder to seek affection, which continues to scare you. So, your reality is that “dogs bite”.

Confirmation bias is behind most of our limiting beliefs. Whatever we think will be our reality. Our brains make assumptions constantly in an effort to protect us. And those assumptions are naturally going to be negative because that is what our survival brain is there for, to find danger.

I like to think of my survival brain as my default mode. If I don’t choose what mode my brain is in, it will just default to survival and the negative.

How is this hurting our relationships?

First, I believe that one of the best ways of showing love in our relationships is to pay attention. To pay attention to the other person and really hear and see them. Confirmation bias can definitelyinhibit your ability to do that, especially if you have known that person for a long time. Your brain just makes assumptions and isn’t able to keep discovering new things about this person. But we are all changing and growing and there are always new things to discover in our relationships. One way that I’ve seen this in my life is with my son who struggles with ADHD and anxiety. At night, when I’m going to bed, he sometimes comes into my room and wants to talk to me. I have hearing loss, so I wear hearing aids and when I go to bed, I take them out and can’t hear well at all. He sometimes comes in and starts talking to me, I have to stop him, turn on my lamp, scramble, and knock things off my nightstand while I’m searching for my hearing aids. I finally locate them and put them in my ears. I ask him to repeat what he was saying. He says something like “next time you go to the store, will you buy stuff to make pumpkin muffins?” I feel irritated because I’m thinking it could have waited until tomorrow, so I naturally act irritated. He leaves feeling a little embarrassed. The next week he comes in again and we go through the same scenario, except this time my brain says “here he comes with something unimportant to say” so I’m irritated before he even speaks. My brain believes it will be unimportant and so no matter what he says to me, it will be unimportant. It’s significant to note that I really love my son, I worry and think about him all the time and try to come up with ways to connect and help him.

Do you see the problem?This is why I do what I do. Understanding and learning about my survival brain has helped me overcome its negative thought habits in my relationships. I am now able to be more mindful and take each experience with my son as it comes, without pre-judging it. I am able to pay attention and be fully present with him. Healthy relationships don’t just happen, we have to create them with our thoughts. We do not have to stay in default mode. We have access to other regions of our brains that have other tools besides survival…tools like empathy, patience, curiosity, innovation, and discernment.

We can learn tools that help us use our agency in how we think so we can create the lives and the relationships we want. We don’t always get to choose what thoughts come into our heads, but we can choose which ones we keep thinking. My mission as a life coach is to teach these mindful tools to my clients so that they can use their agency to choose what mode their brain is in, instead of living in default mode.

To learn more about working with Karen, please visit her PROFILE

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