lifecoachtips

The ONE best thing you can do for your dating life!

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By: Laerke Nielsen

If you are single, there are a million different things you can work on to pave the ways to attract the loving and committed relationship you dream of. Just take a look at all the things you see on Instagram… 

Some of this is indeed very good to focus on; letting go of the past, healing your relationship with yourself, getting clear on what kind of partner you are looking for, and stepping into the version of you who truly feels like the amazing catch you are and who knows that there are plenty of men who would love to go on a date with her!

All this is important – it’s the inner work that you want to focus on mainly before dating.

But when you get yourself out there – in the dating world – what really makes the difference between whether you continue to date until you meet the right match, or you quit the journey or decide to settle with someone you are not that excited about, is this one thing:

It’s if you know how to ENJOY dating!

Because the reality is that most women actually don’t enjoy dating. They’d rather skip the dating and go straight to the relationship!

They dread going into the dating apps and setting up a profile, chatting with the men in there, going on yet another date with “a stranger” that they don’t even believe will be interesting. And I get that, that’s how I felt for a long time. I almost expected it to be a waste of time.

The downsides of not enjoying dating is that you not only go on less dates, you go on them with a different energy, and you are not having a good experience. Going on less dates that are less fun, makes you withdraw even more from dating, most likely not meet the man of your dreams, and in the end you either quit, reminding yourself that you do already have a good life as a single woman, or you take a long break. You might even feel tempted to compromise your dreams and desires and settle with a situationship with a man you aren’t really that crazy about.

What if you enjoyed dating?

On the other hand – if dating was something you really loved – the process itself; connecting with new people in the apps, meeting them on a date, discovering this other person in front of you – while discovering new sides of yourself and how you can connect with a man – if this was fun for you – you wouldn’t mind dating until the day you met your Mr. Right.

When its all of a sudden a fun and exciting journey, you show up on dates in the energy of a woman who enjoys life and is less attached to the outcome of each date. This makes you come across as much more confident and attractive to a man, than when you dread it.

But what if I really don’t like it?  

Enjoying dating is a skill that you can practise. It’s not about gaslighting yourself or using toxic positivity on yourself. It’s about seeing the potential to learn, grow and have fun on each date. To commit to yourself that regardless of the man – YOU are going to have a good experience. It might not be a great experience, but it will be good in the sense that you decide to set an intention and to learn something new every time.

Imagine I could tell you with 100% certainty that you will meet the man of your dreams on date nr 35. It’s going to be amazing, you will both fall in love and live happily ever after. But you can’t skip the line. You have to go through the first 34.

Now how will you make those 34 dates enjoyable?

Use a Discovery approach and see dating as self-development journey

First you have to step into owning that you can influence your experience a lot on a date. You want to keep your mind open to possibility – anything can happen in this new connection – you could be positively surprised and you want to practise curiosity.

So ask yourself what you need to think in order to feel open to possibility and curious to get to know the man?

And then you can decide on some fun questions to ask, or things to share about yourself and your life, that will live up the conversation.

Think of dating as a discovery process – you are getting to know a new person and you also discover new sides of yourself. You can learn a lot about yourself in dating, it’s actually a great possibility for self development.

I give my clients dating challenges; I give them something to focus on, or a skill to practise on their dates. You can do that yourself by setting an intention for the date.

For instance you could decide to observe your inner critic – pay attention to what self-critical thoughts run through your brain and prevent you from being authentic on the date. This can help you identify triggers that activate your negative self-talk.

Or you can also get curious about how fast your brain is trying to make a judgement about the other person – especially on a date, we are wired to assess and judge instantly, and it’s a fun challenge to try to keep the door open and not make a decision about the other person that fast.   

Observe your mind as a scientist and notice the thoughts that make you want to either hide your true self or make a quick decision about the man in front of you. This can bring you a lot of insight and self awareness.

Practise being present and listening  

Another intention could be to practise deep listening; listen to understand, not to respond. Get really curious about what is behind the surface, what is driving this man, what are his dreams and fears etc. Ask questions and set aside your own desire to talk for a moment.

This can have the bonus effect that he feels inspired to open up even more – and you might experience a side of him that you wouldn’t if you had both been busy talking and trying to impress each other (as we normally are on dates).

Being able to be present and listen to understand is such a rare skill – we live in a time of constant notifications and distractions. If you can become really good at being present and just listen, you give one of the greatest gifts that you can possibly give to another human being.

But the real reason you want to do this is for yourself. You want to give yourself a chance to see that side of him, because otherwise you could be missing out on a really interesting man, without knowing it.

And then after each of your dates, you can evaluate by asking yourself:

How was this date an important step in my journey – even if he wasn’t someone interesting for me – what did I learn?

I call this approach a discovery mindset. This will allow you to enjoy dating – so you can stay in the “game” until you meet your ideal partner, and avoid feeling drained or bored!

It’s a skill I highly recommend you to develop, and if you want my support on how to actually do this, I invite you to book a free consultation call with me on   https://www.laerkenielsencoaching.com/

You can also listen to my Podcast; Smart Women’s Dating Podcast: https://smartwomensdatingpodcast.buzzsprout.com/share

or follow me on Instagram @laerkethelovecoach.com

How to Cultivate a Weight Loss Mindset for Success

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By: Tobi Coughlin

The problem with diets is that they provide a solution to the wrong problem – they tell us what to eat.

Here’s the thing, even if there were a “perfect” way to eat to lose weight, it wouldn’t be effective if you didn’t follow the plan. The reason so many of us struggle with our weight is because it’s not always easy to make the choices we know are best.

I’m not saying that having a basic understanding about what to eat to lose weight has no value; it’s just that in working with hundreds of people over many years I’ve found that about 95% of the time knowing what to eat isn’t the real problem.

The actual obstacle is in bridging that gap from knowing what to do to actually doing it. . And, according to the latest in behavioral science, it’s our thinking that inspires action … and inaction. It’s mindset that really matters.

Let me illustrate.

If I told you I’d give you $1 million to lose weight, how would that impact you?

  • ●  Might you be more motivated to lose weight than before I made the offer?
  • ●  What about your belief in your ability…might you have more confidence in yourself that you could succeed ?Notice what changed. The goal is still to create weight loss. The only difference is in what you think about weight loss. And, that thinking is nothing but a shift in perspective.And this very same principle applies to other things we think about around weight loss.
  • ●  Do you think it’s hard?…You’ll most likely just find evidence for its difficulty, closed off from seeing anything to the contrary.
  • ●  Do you think it’s easy?…You’ll likely be more open to finding creative ways to make it feel easier.When I’m talking about mindset, it’s nothing more than those seemingly innocent sentences in our head. Yet the fact is those sentences are actually quite important in the way they inspire us to behave. They can help us move towards our goals; they can also be just the thing that gets in our way of success.

Two of the most common thoughts that get in the way of permanent weight loss are: “I need to make big changes” and a related one “I need to lose weight quickly”.

In fact, neither of those thoughts are useful. We’re actually more likely to give up when something feels hard – and the bigger the change, the more difficult it feels.

The flipside is also true. When you make small enough changes, they don’t feel particularly challenging – and the easier something feels, the more likely we are to repeat the behavior.

And, tiny changes built on top of each other, create big changes over time – making consistency ultimately the more important factor in permanent weight loss.

Ready to develop your Mindset for Weight Loss Success? Start by simply paying attention.

Pause and ask yourself what you’re thinking. (This might not come naturally at first. That’s OK, just keep practicing) Then ask yourself:

“Is this way of thinking contributing to or getting in the way of my goal?”

If you determine it’s not helpful, try finding other perspectives that still feel believable and are even a bit more motivating.

Stop looking for the “perfect” diet, and start looking for inspiring thoughts! Mindset matters most for weight loss success.

—————-

After years of yo-yo dieting, I’ve learned and adopted a way of thinking that’s allowed me to keep my weight off for almost two decades. I’m a Certified Life & Weight Loss Coach with over 14-years experience helping people manage their weight. I can help you too. Schedule a free session today!

https://www.bestlifecoachtobi.com/book-a-session

Ripple Meditation: One simple practice to keep creativity flowing

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By: Shannon Borg, Art and Business Coach

As an artist and creativity coach, I think a lot about the creative process.

(Like, a LOT)

What is it, really?

How does it work?

How come it is so elusive?

Part of the problem is that every person has a different process. It can work SO many different ways. But there are ways to tap into your own process – to help understand it better and develop it more fully. 

I’ve developed a simple “creative meditation” method that has really changed everything for me in regards to:

  • how I come up with new ideas
  • how I paint
  • how I create trainings for my artist clients,
  • and how I run my business.

I believe it can help you, too.

This process is for:
  • Artists
  • Writers
  • Makers
  • Thinkers
  • Entrepreneurs
  • Coaches
  • Healers
  • Creative Humans
  • Humans that want to be more creative

I’m sharing this process with you in a video (below) because I think it is so helpful to see the whole process unfold.

But before we dive into the Ripple Meditation technique, let’s break down the creative process a bit.
What is the Creative Process?

The Creative Process is defined in many ways, but I’ve found that this definition makes the most sense to me:

Solving problems through innovation.

It can look like the traditional 5-step process that designer Graham Wallas came up with waaay back in 1926 (of course, the so-called “creative process” has worked nonstop since the beginning of time. Even BEFORE time existed.)

Graham Wallas’ “Creative Process:

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But sometimes, the creative process seems more like this:

EE12C94C-B31E-4869-9A59-AFB00AF0E4D9.jpg

Or this:

287A37AE-0B04-44B2-A592-26B76EC086F7.jpeg

Just know that every human has their own way of allowing and cultivating creativity in their lives.
Everyone has their own path.

As I was starting to paint and create a business, I REALLY needed a little calm and focus in my life to help me manage:

  • Negative self-talk
  • Idea overwhelm
  • Impostor Syndrome

There is no magic pill for this – but I have done a lot of work around these ideas to help my clients – and myself.

This is how it worked for me.

Step One:

First, I started meditating – just to calm the fuck down.

I would just sit quietly for 10 minutes and breathe. Try to calm my mind.

Step Two:

Then, those meditation moments started revealing new ideas – at first I called it “Creative Meditation.” I would write ideas that came to me down in my journal as I sat and breathed, just trying to let my mind rest so new ideas could be heard.

Then, I found my mind was working on a creative solution.

I thought the ‘creative process’  just happened in the studio – but of course not! (duh.)

It is happening all the time, in our brains.

The Result

Next, this  “creative meditation” practice morphed into a more intentional practice I call Ripple Meditation.

After my coach, Brooke Castillo, talked about the concept of the “Idea Baby,” I saw how my creative meditation practice was similar – and so instead of ONE idea, I started using TWO “thought pebbles.” 

Here are a few examples of the results from a few of my Ripple Meditations (Thought Pebble #1 + Thought Pebble #2 = Creative “Idea Baby” that I then developed into a painting, teaching or process):

Light + Color = my Lunaria paintings

The 4 Seasons + Business = The 4 Hats of Artists in Business training

Artist’s Struggle + The Model = The Struggle Button training

Here are the basics:


Ripple Meditation:

  • Sit quietly for 10 – 20 minutes
  • Use soft music without words if that helps set the mood
  • Choose one idea, thought, or concept. Drop that “thought pebble” into the pond of your mind. Watch your mind work with that thought – let it “ripple out” where it will.
  • Jot ideas/thoughts down in your journal
  • Now, drop ANOTHER “thought pebble” into your mind’s pond – and watch to see where the ripples overlap and create “Interference.” The “interference” is where the new “idea baby” is born! 
  • Take notes, draw, look things up, go down rabbit holes, or free write as you go. ALL that is allowed!
  • With your new insights and ideas, go create something new!
I hope this process was productive for you. If you’d like to watch the whole Ripple Meditation Training, you can find it here: 
Where do you get your ideas?: One simple process to keep creativity flowing)
Or, here’s the link: https://www.shannonborg.com/get-ripple-meditation 
If you are curious about how creativity coaching can help you and your business, sign up for a free consultation, and we can chat about your creative process, your business, and how you can create the results you want.

Thank you!

Shannon Borg

Art & Business Coach

www.shannonborg.com

hello@shannonborg.com

Follow me on Instagram: @shannonborg 

How is self-care transformative?

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By: April Yee

We’ve likely all heard about “self-love” and “loving yourself.” These concepts may seem good to do and have, but they may also seem lofty and hard to attain. 

How do we love ourselves and have self-love? Where do we start, especially when we’ve been our harshest critics or engage in self-loathing thinking and behaviors?

Some ways that we hear about self-care are to get a massage, to get a pedicure or manicure, to treat ourselves to a new outfit or electronic device, or to enjoy a frothy, sweet drink. These are definitely a few ways to show care for ourselves, but at a somewhat superficial level. 

When we do things that bring us joy, that is part of self-care.

I want to offer that self-care also looks like this:

  • Drinking enough water to stay hydrated and alert
  • Speaking to yourself with kindness instead of punishing yourself
  • Eating nutritious food to fuel your body
  • Going to the bathroom when you need to go
  • Sleeping enough to allow your body to rest and repair
  • Moving your body enough
  • Committing to the things you want to do for yourself
  • Thinking generous thoughts about yourself instead of critical thoughts
  • Connecting with yourself and your body – listening to what you need
  • Creating a supportive relationship with yourself
  • Maintaining healthy boundaries with yourself and others

We can build our self-care muscles by practicing daily. Just like any other muscle we want to build, it takes time, effort, and commitment along with the desire to do so. We get to create our own journey to self-love and I believe these are some of the practices that carry us along the way. 

When we realize how powerful it is to keep a commitment to ourselves, we start to build trust with ourselves and learn that we can have our own back, no matter what. This is how self-care can be transformative.

Our longest relationship we’ll have is the relationship we have with ourselves. What would our lives be like if that relationship is supportive, loving, kind, reliable, and trusting? 

“When you’re at peace with yourself and love yourself, it is virtually impossible to do things to yourself that are destructive.”

― Wayne Dyer

Your turn: What self-care practices are you open to committing to today? What would you do differently when you trust yourself to do the things you want to do for yourself? How would your life be different when you love yourself no matter what? 

SANITY (and the art of remaining calm through the storm)

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By: Lisa Christy

E-MOTION is energy in motion. One takes you forward and one keeps you stuck. Which would you prefer?

Did you ever have a day where it seemed like nothing went right?

Did you ever have a week like that?

Nothing was going right. Everything was off. And you just were hanging out in depression, sadness, or worry. Perhaps even crying. Maybe even feeling a bit insane.

Heavy, right?

It feels enormous. You wonder when it will end.

But……you do know it will end, right?

This cycle of life we go through feels SO big and real. The experiences, the circumstances, the relationships. They consume us at times. They feel HUGE.

We make them that way. With our mind drama, we make them as BIG as they feel.

Well…………in reality, they are not as BIG as we make them out to be.

It’s the mind drama, and the meaning we put to the things going on and going wrong.

We sit in the negative feeling. And we sit. And sit. And sit.

And then we may throw a little extra helping of self-loathing or self-bashing on top of it all……..

………until we feel utterly hopeless and helpless.

There is another way, friends.

Things DO happen to us. Sometimes really bad things. Sometimes really big and bad things.

But we have in us this amazing capability and capacity to feel our feelings and then choose to move on.

Feeling feelings is a process. When we feel sadness, for example, we may feel a heaviness in our chest or a welling up of tears in our eyes.

These are just sensations or vibrations in our body. That is ALL that is happening when we feel a negative feeling.

So, we get the choice to sit with the sensation, the sadness. Sit with it, close our eyes for 60-90 seconds and really really feel the sadness and feel it in our body.

That is ALL that is going on. When we feel sadness, no buildings are falling down, and no one is dying. We are JUST FEELING A STRONG NEGATIVE EMOTION OR AN UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING.

When we process this feeling, for the 60-90 seconds (or longer, if needed), the negative feeling dissipates. It gently subsides and slowly goes away and lifts. When it does that, we are just left with ourselves.

What we tend to do, though, is perpetuate the negative feeling by thinking and thinking and thinking about it and what caused it and how awful it feels. And then we talk about it with others and get their sympathy and their consoling. And then we blog about it or post it on social media and get other’s thoughts and comments about it.

We create such a huge drama, that the negative feeling lasts and lasts and lasts.  It becomes even bigger and consumes our days.

So rather than just processing through it and allowing ourselves to feel it with love and calm, and then moving on, we keep it. It’s almost like a prize we wear.

“Here I am feeling this negative feeling and please feel sorry for me and show me you love because in this moment, I have chosen not to show love to myself.”

It is always our choice regarding how to work through our emotions. And ALL emotions are good. But we don’t want to dwell in the negative because in that moment, we strip ourselves of our own beautiful power and give it over to drama. We present ourselves as weak, and needy, and unable to handle it ourselves. We tell ourselves we NEED others to talk to and we NEED others to feel sorry for us.

And then we may even overeat and overdrink or take naps because it numbs the negative feeling so we don’t have to feel it at all.

SO MUCH DRAMA and so much time focusing on a negative emotion.

When in an instant, we can, ourselves, because we are so powerful on our own, work through it and process it. Or have a friend or a life coach, coach you through it.

Bam done!! Gone!!

It’s the difference between staying calm in the storm and staying sane, or getting all worked up and a little crazy.  We create the experience we choose to focus on.

How do you process your emotions? I’d love to hear from you and discuss this.

Feel free to set up a FREE 45-minute mini session with me at this link: https://calendly.com/lisachristycalendar/free45minuteminisession or email me at coachincouragelifecoaching@gmail.com.

It’s always your choice, folks. 

E-MOTION is energy in motion. One takes you forward and one keeps you stuck. So which do you prefer?

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