lifecoachesforwomen

How is self-care transformative?

By: April Yee

We’ve likely all heard about “self-love” and “loving yourself.” These concepts may seem good to do and have, but they may also seem lofty and hard to attain. 

How do we love ourselves and have self-love? Where do we start, especially when we’ve been our harshest critics or engage in self-loathing thinking and behaviors?

Some ways that we hear about self-care are to get a massage, to get a pedicure or manicure, to treat ourselves to a new outfit or electronic device, or to enjoy a frothy, sweet drink. These are definitely a few ways to show care for ourselves, but at a somewhat superficial level. 

When we do things that bring us joy, that is part of self-care.

I want to offer that self-care also looks like this:

  • Drinking enough water to stay hydrated and alert
  • Speaking to yourself with kindness instead of punishing yourself
  • Eating nutritious food to fuel your body
  • Going to the bathroom when you need to go
  • Sleeping enough to allow your body to rest and repair
  • Moving your body enough
  • Committing to the things you want to do for yourself
  • Thinking generous thoughts about yourself instead of critical thoughts
  • Connecting with yourself and your body – listening to what you need
  • Creating a supportive relationship with yourself
  • Maintaining healthy boundaries with yourself and others

We can build our self-care muscles by practicing daily. Just like any other muscle we want to build, it takes time, effort, and commitment along with the desire to do so. We get to create our own journey to self-love and I believe these are some of the practices that carry us along the way. 

When we realize how powerful it is to keep a commitment to ourselves, we start to build trust with ourselves and learn that we can have our own back, no matter what. This is how self-care can be transformative.

Our longest relationship we’ll have is the relationship we have with ourselves. What would our lives be like if that relationship is supportive, loving, kind, reliable, and trusting? 

“When you’re at peace with yourself and love yourself, it is virtually impossible to do things to yourself that are destructive.”

Wayne Dyer

Your turn: What self-care practices are you open to committing to today? What would you do differently when you trust yourself to do the things you want to do for yourself? How would your life be different when you love yourself no matter what? 

SANITY (and the art of remaining calm through the storm)

By: Lisa Christy

E-MOTION is energy in motion. One takes you forward and one keeps you stuck. Which would you prefer?

Did you ever have a day where it seemed like nothing went right?

Did you ever have a week like that?

Nothing was going right. Everything was off. And you just were hanging out in depression, sadness, or worry. Perhaps even crying. Maybe even feeling a bit insane.

Heavy, right?

It feels enormous. You wonder when it will end.

But……you do know it will end, right?

This cycle of life we go through feels SO big and real. The experiences, the circumstances, the relationships. They consume us at times. They feel HUGE.

We make them that way. With our mind drama, we make them as BIG as they feel.

Well…………in reality, they are not as BIG as we make them out to be.

It’s the mind drama, and the meaning we put to the things going on and going wrong.

We sit in the negative feeling. And we sit. And sit. And sit.

And then we may throw a little extra helping of self-loathing or self-bashing on top of it all……..

………until we feel utterly hopeless and helpless.

There is another way, friends.

Things DO happen to us. Sometimes really bad things. Sometimes really big and bad things.

But we have in us this amazing capability and capacity to feel our feelings and then choose to move on.

Feeling feelings is a process. When we feel sadness, for example, we may feel a heaviness in our chest or a welling up of tears in our eyes.

These are just sensations or vibrations in our body. That is ALL that is happening when we feel a negative feeling.

So, we get the choice to sit with the sensation, the sadness. Sit with it, close our eyes for 60-90 seconds and really really feel the sadness and feel it in our body.

That is ALL that is going on. When we feel sadness, no buildings are falling down, and no one is dying. We are JUST FEELING A STRONG NEGATIVE EMOTION OR AN UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING.

When we process this feeling, for the 60-90 seconds (or longer, if needed), the negative feeling dissipates. It gently subsides and slowly goes away and lifts. When it does that, we are just left with ourselves.

What we tend to do, though, is perpetuate the negative feeling by thinking and thinking and thinking about it and what caused it and how awful it feels. And then we talk about it with others and get their sympathy and their consoling. And then we blog about it or post it on social media and get other’s thoughts and comments about it.

We create such a huge drama, that the negative feeling lasts and lasts and lasts.  It becomes even bigger and consumes our days.

So rather than just processing through it and allowing ourselves to feel it with love and calm, and then moving on, we keep it. It’s almost like a prize we wear.

“Here I am feeling this negative feeling and please feel sorry for me and show me you love because in this moment, I have chosen not to show love to myself.”

It is always our choice regarding how to work through our emotions. And ALL emotions are good. But we don’t want to dwell in the negative because in that moment, we strip ourselves of our own beautiful power and give it over to drama. We present ourselves as weak, and needy, and unable to handle it ourselves. We tell ourselves we NEED others to talk to and we NEED others to feel sorry for us.

And then we may even overeat and overdrink or take naps because it numbs the negative feeling so we don’t have to feel it at all.

SO MUCH DRAMA and so much time focusing on a negative emotion.

When in an instant, we can, ourselves, because we are so powerful on our own, work through it and process it. Or have a friend or a life coach, coach you through it.

Bam done!! Gone!!

It’s the difference between staying calm in the storm and staying sane, or getting all worked up and a little crazy.  We create the experience we choose to focus on.

How do you process your emotions? I’d love to hear from you and discuss this.

Feel free to set up a FREE 45-minute mini session with me at this link: https://calendly.com/lisachristycalendar/free45minuteminisession or email me at coachincouragelifecoaching@gmail.com.

It’s always your choice, folks. 

E-MOTION is energy in motion. One takes you forward and one keeps you stuck. So which do you prefer?