anxiety

Navigating Boundaries: Creating Healthy Relationships

By: Carisa Peters

Hey everyone, it’s Life Coach Carisa! Today, let’s dive into the powerful concept of boundaries.

What comes to mind when you think of boundaries? Does it tend to feel controlling and negative? I know it used to be that way for me. Like I have to protect myself from others.

Boundaries really should be looked at much more deeply than this. They are more than mere lines on a map; they’re essential for maintaining healthy relationships and self-respect. From personal space to emotional well-being, boundaries play a crucial role in our lives.

Picture boundaries as invisible lines we draw around ourselves, defining our space just like property boundaries. They’re not about controlling others but about taking responsibility for ourselves and building stronger connections.

Setting boundaries is crucial for emotional and mental well-being. Just as you have clear boundaries around your physical home, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries around your emotions and relationships.

Imagine your emotional space as your backyard. When someone crosses a boundary, it’s like they’ve stepped into your yard without permission.

But here’s the key: you only need to communicate your boundaries when they’re crossed. It’s about responding calmly and clearly, emphasizing self-care and respect for the relationship. Enforcing boundaries isn’t about control; it’s about protecting yourself and your needs. By upholding your boundaries, you create healthier dynamics in relationships.

To create boundaries in a healthy manner, each of us must take the responsibility to get clear on what it is we want and why? Not just I don’t want you to do this to me. It is much deeper. It is knowing yourself so well that you can come from a loving, emotionally secure place and communicate that in a healthy way.

A personal story I will share to illustrate this is close to my heart. During the last six years of my father’s life, our relationship had deteriorated from the less than ideal place it was and now had become virtually nonexistent. He would send me birthday texts, which left me feeling a mix of emotions—anger, sadness, and a sense of obligation to respond. I found myself overthinking these messages for days, grappling with their impact on me. Through introspection and self-love, I realized that I had the power to control my own feelings and reactions, regardless of my father’s actions. Taking ownership of my emotions, I responded to his messages with honesty and resilience, staying true to my authentic self.

It is a loving…’if you do this….I will do this’. It really felt good.

Remember, setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s an act of love, both for yourself and others. Start today and watch your relationships grow!

If you found this blog helpful, consider sharing it with other moms who might need to hear this message. And if you’d like to watch my video to go deeper on this topic you can find it here.

“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” – Tony Gaskins

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Coping with Life’s Curveballs

By: Carisa Peters

You know, life has this funny way of throwing us curveballs. Sometimes things go smoothly, and other times, well, not so much. It’s like we’re all living this 50/50 life, where half the time things go well, and the other half, not so much.

Ever wonder if celebrities and famous folks have perfect lives? I used to think so too. But the truth is, we’re all in the same boat. We all have our ups and downs. And if you haven’t experienced a major curveball yet, chances are, you will at some point. It’s not the most fun thing to hear, but it’s the reality we live in.

So, let’s talk about coping when life throws you a curveball. What exactly is a curveball? It’s anything unexpected, surprising, or disruptive. They come in all shapes and sizes, but they’re all part of life’s crazy journey.

So where do we start when dealing with these curveballs? First things first, we need to feel it. When something happens, our minds start racing, and our emotions start swirling. But many of us aren’t great at dealing with those feelings. We’re wired to avoid discomfort, to escape our feelings. But that’s not the answer.

The reality is, we need to embrace our feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. It’s all part of the process. Trust me, I’ve been there. I used to be terrible at dealing with unexpected disruptions in my life. But through my own journey of growth and transformation, I’ve learned a thing or two about coping.

Let me share a bit of my story with you. I’ve had my fair share of curveballs thrown my way. From unexpected changes at work to personal health crises and family emergencies, life hasn’t always been smooth sailing. And I’ll admit, I didn’t always cope well. I turned to unhealthy habits to numb the pain, which only made things worse.

But through it all, I’ve learned the importance of resilience and self-care. It’s not about avoiding discomfort, but rather facing it head-on and finding healthy ways to cope. It’s about acknowledging your feelings, practicing self-compassion, seeking support when you need it, and focusing on what you can control.

Coping is a skill that can be learned and strengthened over time. And by practicing these strategies, you can build resilience and navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease.

So, the next time life throws you a curveball, remember to breathe, take it one step at a time, and lean on your support system. You’ve got this!

If you found this post helpful, please leave me a comment, share it with your friends, and subscribe to my blog for more content like this. And if you’re interested in learning more about my coaching services, visit my website to schedule a complimentary session. I’d love to help you on your journey to a happier, healthier life. You can also watch my YouTube video on this topic here: https://youtu.be/wUDrHr6nLOs?si=fhbVYrJknW80BEC5

Thanks for reading, and remember, you’re stronger than you think!

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” Steve Maraboli

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Confirmation Bias And How It Hurts Our Relationships

By Karen Edwards, CPQC

We’re all human, so we all deal with confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is a phrase devised by English psychologist Peter Wason. Ultimately, it is the tendency of our brain to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existingbeliefs. It’s a survival tendency of our brain to try to prepare us for possible dangers. If our brain believes that “dogs bite”, it will find every evidence of it. If a dog runs up to you on the street, your brain will make that mean it wants to bite you. If the dog licks you, your brain will see that as evidence that the dog is getting ready to bite you. So, of course, you are guarded and fearful and the dog feels the fearful energy and tries harder to seek affection, which continues to scare you. So, your reality is that “dogs bite”.

Confirmation bias is behind most of our limiting beliefs. Whatever we think will be our reality. Our brains make assumptions constantly in an effort to protect us. And those assumptions are naturally going to be negative because that is what our survival brain is there for, to find danger.

I like to think of my survival brain as my default mode. If I don’t choose what mode my brain is in, it will just default to survival and the negative.

How is this hurting our relationships?

First, I believe that one of the best ways of showing love in our relationships is to pay attention. To pay attention to the other person and really hear and see them. Confirmation bias can definitelyinhibit your ability to do that, especially if you have known that person for a long time. Your brain just makes assumptions and isn’t able to keep discovering new things about this person. But we are all changing and growing and there are always new things to discover in our relationships. One way that I’ve seen this in my life is with my son who struggles with ADHD and anxiety. At night, when I’m going to bed, he sometimes comes into my room and wants to talk to me. I have hearing loss, so I wear hearing aids and when I go to bed, I take them out and can’t hear well at all. He sometimes comes in and starts talking to me, I have to stop him, turn on my lamp, scramble, and knock things off my nightstand while I’m searching for my hearing aids. I finally locate them and put them in my ears. I ask him to repeat what he was saying. He says something like “next time you go to the store, will you buy stuff to make pumpkin muffins?” I feel irritated because I’m thinking it could have waited until tomorrow, so I naturally act irritated. He leaves feeling a little embarrassed. The next week he comes in again and we go through the same scenario, except this time my brain says “here he comes with something unimportant to say” so I’m irritated before he even speaks. My brain believes it will be unimportant and so no matter what he says to me, it will be unimportant. It’s significant to note that I really love my son, I worry and think about him all the time and try to come up with ways to connect and help him.

Do you see the problem?This is why I do what I do. Understanding and learning about my survival brain has helped me overcome its negative thought habits in my relationships. I am now able to be more mindful and take each experience with my son as it comes, without pre-judging it. I am able to pay attention and be fully present with him. Healthy relationships don’t just happen, we have to create them with our thoughts. We do not have to stay in default mode. We have access to other regions of our brains that have other tools besides survival…tools like empathy, patience, curiosity, innovation, and discernment.

We can learn tools that help us use our agency in how we think so we can create the lives and the relationships we want. We don’t always get to choose what thoughts come into our heads, but we can choose which ones we keep thinking. My mission as a life coach is to teach these mindful tools to my clients so that they can use their agency to choose what mode their brain is in, instead of living in default mode.

To learn more about working with Karen, please visit her PROFILE

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